Attachment: The Pursuit of Happiness

Secure Attachment and Bonding

The pursuit of happiness is a basic human right that we have been endowed with from birth. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, every person wants to be happy and have a sense of fulfillment. This article is about attachment. Attachment can stop you from being happy. There are some tips to help you be free of it and be happy more.

What is Attachment?

how to build attachment with your child


Attachment is when you depend on someone else to bring your happiness. You need them for almost everything to be happy. If something goes wrong, you are sad or depressed because of it. It can also mean that if they become unhappy then so do you, even slightly. To have attachment means being dependent upon other people and things to bring you happiness.

Types of Attachment

Types of Attachment

When you are attached to someone or something, it can mean that you hold on to them tightly. You don’t want to let go of what makes you happy because if they were gone then so would your happiness.

There are many different kinds of attachments, including holding onto people and things too tight. It can also be a problem when you get frustrated when your goals aren’t reached. One other kind is when you lose your self-esteem because things don’t go to plan.

Secure Attachment

Having a secure attachment means not needing someone else for your happiness. It is knowing that you are happy because of yourself and life itself. You don’t need to hold on too tightly or be dependent upon other people or things to bring you happiness; it comes from within.

Anxious-resistant Attachment

Anxious-resistant attachment is when you want to be close to someone, but you are also very afraid of being rejected. You often push people away and then feel upset because you don’t have them close. This type of attachment can be quite common in relationships.

Anxious-avoidant Attachment

This type of attachment is the exact opposite of anxious-resistant attachment. You don’t need to be close to someone or have a relationship. Then, you won’t get upset if you are not close at all.

Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized attachment is when you don’t know what you want. You are all over the place and can’t seem to make up your mind about anything. This type of attachment is often seen in grownups who have had a bad experience, like being abused.

Stages Of Attachment

Stages Of Attachment

There are four stages of attachment. They include:

  • Sensory Attachment (birth to eight weeks) – The baby is attached to their mother’s voice and heartbeat. When they are scared or upset, they know that their mother can help them feel better. This bonding creates a sense of security within the child making them feel safe even when they are not with their mothers.
  • Object Attachment (eight weeks to six months) – The baby starts to become attached to objects such as a favorite blanket or toy. They learn that these objects can also provide comfort and safety.
  • Separation Anxiety (six months to two years) – This is when the child starts to become aware of the fact that they are separate from their parents. They become worried when they are not with them and may have tantrums when separated.
  • Individuation (two years and beyond) – The child starts to become more independent and learns to think for themselves. They no longer see themselves as just a part of their parents but develop their own identity.

The four stages of attachment are important in understanding how we form attachments as adults. Each stage helps us to learn what it is we need to feel safe and secure. If something goes wrong during any of the stages, it can cause problems with our adult relationships.

Effects of Attachment

Effects of Attachment

When you are attached to someone or something, it can have many positive and negative effects on your life. If you are attached to someone, such as a partner or child, then this can bring joy and happiness into your life. It means that they will be there for you when needed and provide support in times of need.

However, attachment can also cause problems if things aren’t going exactly the way you want them to. You may become frustrated and angry if you are unable to reach your goals or if something happens that disrupts your plans. This can lead to a loss of self-esteem and make it difficult for you to cope with stress.

It is important to have a healthy balance when it comes to attachment. Too much attachment can be a bad thing, but too little can also be a problem.

Attachment is important in our lives because it allows us to form relationships with other people and learn about ourselves. It helps us feel safe and secure when we are not alone. However, this type of attachment can become problematic if you rely on someone else for your happiness or have severe separation anxiety. It is important to have a healthy balance when it comes to the attachment to have a happy and healthy life.

How Does Attachment Affect Your Relationship?

helplessness in relationships

If your partner is a secure person and you are not, there might be problems in the relationship. They may expect that you will be able to manage on your own. This could lead to a loss of respect for each other and may result in the relationship ending as there is a lack of trust.

It can also become problematic if one person has an anxious-avoidant attachment, while their partner has secure attachment. The first will try desperately to keep hold of the other person, while the second will feel suffocated and want to break free. This can lead to a loss of trust in both parties as they may start wondering what their significant other is up to when not with them.

Attachment can be especially problematic for people who suffer from a borderline personality disorder (BPD). They make intense attachments despite knowing that they are bad for them and have high rates of abuse from their partners. It can be hard to let a partner go because you feel like they are a part of yourself.

How Can Attachment Stop You From Being Happy?

Attachment can stop you from being happy because it’s always dependent upon other people or something that isn’t in your control. If they are gone then happiness is lost with them too. Here are some ways in which attachment can stop you from being happy:

  • You rely on others for your happiness – You need to be able to make yourself feel good without the assistance of other people. If they aren’t there, it’s okay because you still have a positive outlook and enjoy doing things that bring joy into your life. Even if something is going wrong, you can find a way to be happy.
  • You’re always worried about what others will think of you – You worry so much about what other people think of you that it stops you from being yourself. This means that you are never really happy as you’re always trying to please others instead of yourself.
  • You can’t handle being alone – You become extremely anxious and stressed when you’re by yourself. This means that you’re unable to enjoy your own company or do things that you like. It can also be difficult to relax and de-stress, which is essential for a happy life.
  • You have separation anxiety – It can be hard to be away from someone that you love. You might feel bad about not being there for them and lose your confidence. In some cases, people can also start to worry too much about their friends when they are not around. When this happens, it is hard for them to be happy.

How to be Free of Attachments?

Pay Attention To Your Dreams

The key is in your mind and heart, not the other person or thing. When something bad happens, we shouldn’t think about what we could have done differently. If we do, it will make us feel worse. It also makes us feel bad or sorry for ourselves which just isn’t healthy.

Here are three tips that can help you free yourself from attachment:

  • Be mindful of your thoughts – When you’re aware of what’s going through your head, it’s easier to let go. Notice when you’re getting attached and try to be more present at the moment.
  • Talk about how you’re feeling – This can be with a friend, therapist, or even in a journal. It’s important to express what you’re going through so that you don’t bottle it all up.
  • Take time for yourself – This could be something as simple as spending an hour reading your favorite book, taking a walk in nature, or meditating. When you give yourself some time and space, it’s easier to relax and let go of attachment.

An attachment can be a beautiful thing. But sometimes one person can have an anxious-avoidant attachment while their partner has a secure attachment. And that is when the problems start happening. The first will try desperately to keep hold of the other person, while the second will feel suffocated and want to flee.

If you feel like you are getting too attached to something, it means that you should take a step back. This is because when people get too attached they do not think about what they need. They just think about the one thing that is making them happy. You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else does.


Attachment is a deep emotional bond that develops in relationships. It can be between parents and children, romantic partners, or even friends. The attachment theory was initially proposed by John Bowlby in the 1950s but has since been expanded on and studied extensively to apply to various contexts – for example, close friendships may also exhibit some of the same characteristics as parent-child attachments because they provide comfort and protection from harm.

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