Why Do People Don’t Care?
I was scrolling through Facebook the other day. I saw an article that read “The Truth About the Community: People Don’t Care”. It was a clickbait title, so of course, I had to go see what it was all about. The post talked about how people are more interested in themselves than they are in others. But after reading it, I disagreed with this sentiment. Sure, some people may not care as much about other people than they do themselves. But many of us do care!
Humans are inherently self-absorbed, so we should expect nothing less from other people. We’re concerned that everyone’s judging our bad hair day, the stain on our tie, or the dust and cat hair that somehow made it onto the computer screen just before a presentation.
The Spotlight Effect
It is a big part of why we feel this way. When you know that everyone is looking, it’s only natural to want them to see the best version of yourself, the one with all your good qualities and none of your bad ones. But if you’re not constantly striving for perfection in every aspect of life, then people aren’t going to care.
People are much less critical than we make them out to be. We spend so much time worrying about what other people think that it makes us lose sight of the fact that they actually aren’t judging or criticizing us nearly as hard as we judge and criticize ourselves. So don’t worry, you might not care about everyone else. But, there are many others who do the same for you.
Stepping Out of The Spotlight
Whatever side of the line you fall on, there’s one thing that can set you free from the heat of the light. Realizing that no one cares as much as you believe they do. It’s a lot simpler said than done, though, isn’t it?
Remember, you are not a mind reader.
You don’t know what people are thinking (and if you did, it would be a problem). All of this is coming from a place where I am the target. Trust me, no one else is going to step in here and tell you that they’ve been there too or possibly have an even harder time with it than I do.
I was just thinking the other day about how I am always second-guessing myself and my decisions. It’s a weird thing to admit, but it’s true.
That isn’t something that has come naturally overnight for me either—it takes time and effort to get there (which is why I’m writing this today). The point is that I am constantly thinking about what others are thinking of me.
I have been there, and it sucks. It’s not a good place to be when you’re trying to make a name for yourself in the community because all of your thoughts turn into fears and doubts. You start wondering if people really do think negatively or positively about you—is it both?
It’s hard not to think about it sometimes. When you are on the receiving end of compliments, some might believe that it’s all too good to be true and something has to go wrong soon—but there isn’t any reason for that line of thinking. People genuinely want nothing but the best for others in this community. But it’s even harder not to let the thoughts get in your way of what you’re trying to accomplish. I had this problem for a long time and finally realized that no one was really thinking about me at all—which is kind of freeing when you think about it.
Ask yourself how often you think about others.
Is it really all the time? Do you always assume that they are thinking about you, or is that just your alter ego speaking up to keep yourself safe from actually having to deal with reality at times? Everyone has a little bit of their own character in them. We all have different things we like and dislike, so why try making everyone happy?
People are going to have their own opinions on things—that’s life. It won’t always be the same, either. You can ask ten different people what they think about a certain topic and get five or more different answers from each one of them. There will even be times when you disagree with your best friend because that is just how the world works—we all see things differently.
It’s always easier to be pessimistic about how everything is going to turn out in front of you. But it’s never actually like that in reality. The only time life will work out exactly how you want it would be if there were no other people involved at all (and even then, that’s just the dream world you’re living in).
Get into the pool and chill out.
The people who are standing on the sidelines—watching, waiting for you to screw up so they can jump in and tell everyone to stay away from you (or whatever it is that’s going through their heads)—aren’t really thinking about how much power they have over your career. They aren’t even paying attention half of the time anyway because they are too busy worrying about their own lives.
The moment you start to realize this is the moment that you will begin letting it all go letting them fall out of your mind and back into whatever hole. They crawled out of in the first place. There’s nothing more freeing than realizing that you’re in control of your own life. No one is going to be able to take that away from you.
You can’t please everyone, nor should you even try because it will never end. It’s a fruitless effort that only leads down the road of unhappiness for yourself. The best thing we can do as human beings are to do what makes us happy and let the rest fall into place.
Be Kind To Your Mind
It’s important to remember that the only thing we have in this world is our thoughts. It takes a lot of work not to let your thoughts about yourself or others affect you. But once you get there, you will never look back. Don’t be too hard on yourself if there are days where everything seems to go wrong, either. It’s a brand new day tomorrow and you can start fresh.
No one is going to care about your well-being as much as you do. So it’s up to you to take the time out of your schedule for yourself. Doing things for yourself is a good thing. You don’t have to do things for other people, but you can take a nap or read a book.
No matter what happens in this world, there is always someone who will care about you more than yourself. That is why you need to make sure that person knows how much they mean to you because life moves so quickly and we can’t stop caring for ourselves.
People don’t care. That’s the conclusion from a recent study done by psychologist and sociologist, Dan Ariely. In his book called “The Upside of Irrationality,” he challenges how we typically think about human behavior. The motive is to bring science into our understanding of why people do what they do. He says that when it comes to ourselves, we’re rational thinkers who want to be successful and happy. But, when it comes to other people, we tend not to care if their feelings are hurt or if they fail so long as it doesn’t negatively affect us personally.