Contents
What Is People Pleasing?
People-pleasing is a habit that can have some serious consequences. So if you want to live your best life. It’s time to break the cycle and figure out a healthier way of thinking about things. Maybe it’s as simple as taking care of yourself first before anyone else. Or maybe it has more to do with being aware of your emotions and what triggers them. Whatever it may be, find ways that work for you. Below are the best tips to stop people-pleasing.
Examples of People-pleasing
1. The “yes” person: It’s always difficult for this person when they say “no” because they know how much pressure their job puts on them to please everyone. They know it’s not good for their mental health. But they can’t seem to make a commitment to stop saying yes all the time.
2. The romance special: This person always puts their significant other or a new crush on a pedestal. Even if they have a bad feeling in their gut about how someone might treat them. They want so badly to be perceived that they don’t even consider speaking up for themselves when the other person is behaving poorly.
3. The people-pleasing parent: A lot of parents are people-pleasers. But this isn’t always a bad thing. These parents often find themselves going above and beyond for their children, even if it’s not wanted or necessary. They feel the need to do everything they can to ensure their kids are happy, which is a great thing if they’re getting help around the house or with schoolwork. Sometimes, though, they might not be thinking of themselves – like when their kids are disobedient and they need to establish authority.
4. The people-pleaser in relationships: This person needs to be validated by others all the time, and they get upset when someone doesn’t validate them. They’re constantly worried that something might happen to damage their relationship with someone else, and they really need reassurance every step of the way.
5. The people-pleaser in friendships: This person is constantly worried about keeping friends by giving more than anyone but always seems to be single.
Why People-Pleasing Is A Bad Habit?
People-pleasing is a bad habit for a number of reasons. One reason, and the main one I’m talking about here, is that it can often be out of an inability to say no. It’s also possible that the person has fear of losing relationships or not having anyone around them at all. This can lead to getting taken advantage of by people who are willing to put up with the behavior in exchange for some other kind of compensation, or it can lead to being worn down because their emotional needs are not being met.
The first thing you need to do is admit that this behavior isn’t working for you anymore, so let’s take a look at some strategies you can try out below!
How To Break The Cycle Of People-Pleasing?
One way to break the cycle of people-pleasing is to say no without making excuses or apologies for your behavior. Own your feelings instead of blaming them on someone else. For example, tell someone that you don’t feel comfortable with it instead of making up a reason why you can’t do it. This way they know that there is no room for negotiation.
One great thing about being in control of yourself is that you’ll feel stronger and more empowered to actually say no when something does arise where people-pleasing may happen. You’ll also feel more confident in your decisions because you aren’t making them out of fear or guilt. We will discuss some tips to help you stop people-pleasing.
Consequences Of Being A Perpetual People Pleaser
The consequences of being a perpetual people pleaser include: losing yourself, not trusting your own judgment, and feeling like you’re always having to go “on for too long” (in terms of your endurance). Sometimes, people can feel like they’ve lost themselves because they are constantly worried about what others think of them or whether or not they will be liked.
Ways To Make Peace With Yourself And Your Relationships
Some great ways to make peace with yourself and your relationships include:
- Being able to set limits and boundaries
- Learning to say no when necessary
- Not letting guilt get in the way of your decisions
- Having a healthy relationship with yourself
When you have a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s important to know what you want and need while still being able to be kind towards yourself.
25 Tips To Stop People Pleasing
Below are 25 tips to stop people-pleasing:
1. Be willing to let go of relationships that don’t respect you and your needs, even if it’s hard or painful. You deserve love and respect from others, so why would you continue to give more than what is being offered back to you? Sometimes people might be surprised by this behavior when it first starts happening, but that’s because they aren’t used to you standing up for yourself.
2. Be aware of the emotions driving your behavior. If it’s fear, can you face what you’re afraid of? If it’s because of guilt or obligation, is there another way you can think about it so that you can give yourself permission to stop people-pleasing?
3. Ask yourself what you’d like to do. Do you want to initiate the behavior or be more passive about it? If it’s more passive, then that’s okay too, but sometimes people need to stand up for themselves and say no even if they don’t feel like it (it can help to practice with fake situations beforehand). It might not always come naturally, but it’s okay to be persistent with it until you get used to being healthy.
4. When someone asks something of you, think about how you feel first. What is the truth behind your feelings? Are they impulsive or are they coming from a place of wisdom? If there is still some room for negotiation, consider what might be the tipping point for you – that is, how hard would it be for you to say no?
5. Don’t feel like you need to please everyone all the time and don’t put other people’s needs before your own. We all have different goals and boundaries, so there’s no need to try and please everyone’s needs all the time.
6. Know that it’s okay to say no and know that you’re doing a good job for yourself by trying to stand up for yourself. Sometimes people might not like your choice, but they’ll respect you more because of it in the long run.
7. If you feel tired or exhausted, don’t be afraid to express this. Sometimes saying no is the right thing to do, but sometimes it’s also okay to say that you’re not in the best space for saying yes (and later on when you’re feeling more able to give of yourself, then try again).
10. Don’t take other people’s reactions personally, even if it seems personal. If they get angry, dismiss you, or judge you for setting boundaries, it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. It just means that they are having a strong reaction to their own feelings of discomfort. Because you’re trying to show some self-respect.
11. Learn what makes someone more likely to want to please you and use this information as a marker to see what you can do next time. You might even want to keep a list of the things that give you more power over your life so that when someone asks something from you. You have a better idea of how much you’re willing to say yes or no to.
12. Remember that sometimes you can feel like pleasing people is the right thing to do. But it’s actually not and if someone makes you feel bad about yourself for standing up for yourself (e.g. telling you that you’re selfish). Then this is a sign that they might not be good for your emotional health.
13. Be aware of people who don’t respect your boundaries and learn how to set them more effectively without feeling guilty.
14. Be aware of people who are highly manipulative or engaging in emotional blackmail so that you can protect yourself. Do not give them the satisfaction of breaking you down. Because it’s an act of self-abuse when someone makes us feel bad about ourselves for standing up for ourselves.
15. Don’t feel the need to explain yourself or make other people understand why you’re standing up for yourself. It’s your choice and if they don’t take it well, then that’s their problem.
16. Be persistent – sometimes it can be tough, but you have a right to set boundaries and do things that are good for you even if someone makes it difficult.
17. Be open to changing your mind about what you’re willing to do next time. But don’t let this mean that they have control over how you live your life.
18. Sometimes being assertive can be scary because it might be a new thing for you. So it might help to practice with fake situations beforehand. It might not always come naturally. But it’s okay to be persistent with it until you get used to being healthy.
19. If someone makes you feel bad for standing up for yourself, remember that it’s never your fault if someone else doesn’t like your choices because ultimately they’re just their own.
20. Sometimes you might feel really guilty for standing up for yourself because it goes against the nice person that you are, but remember that being a good person isn’t about letting people walk all over you and making your life miserable.
21. Remember that if someone dismisses or judges you for these choices. Then this is their problem as much as it is yours. Sometimes other people just don’t understand what you’re going through and if they truly love you. Then they will respect your choices even if they don’t necessarily agree with them.
22. Remember that people-pleasing isn’t a good thing – it’s about making the other person feel better rather than yourself, so if you’re feeling resentful or that it’s not worth it. Then you need to change something.
23. If someone says that no one would want to be friends with you because of what you did/are doing. Remember they are just letting their own insecurities show through.
24. Remember that if someone is judging you for saying no. Then they are likely the type of person who would make you feel guilty or ashamed for setting boundaries, to begin with.
25. If someone is judging you harshly. It might be a sign that they have issues of their own and don’t want to take responsibility for those problems. After all, if they were perfectly comfortable with themselves. Then they wouldn’t feel the need to make you feel bad about yourself.
Remember that sometimes saying yes can be just as much of a problem as saying no. Because it means you’re not respecting your own boundaries. And this is why it’s important to think carefully before giving an answer. Be wary of people who are constantly asking you for favors or who take advantage of your kind nature. Because this is often a sign that they don’t value other people. These are the best tips to stop people-pleasing, that you can consider.
Conclusion
It can be tough to stop people-pleasing. But you deserve to do what is best for your mental and emotional health. The tips to stop people-pleasing that we’ve provided should get you thinking about how you might go about setting boundaries without feeling guilty or ashamed of yourself. Remember that other people don’t always understand why it’s hard for us to say no. So if someone judges you harshly then they’re likely projecting their own insecurities onto us. Because they want control over our lives even though this isn’t fair at all. If the person who wants something from us doesn’t respect these boundaries. Then remember that it says more about them than it does about any choices we make.
If you are looking for affordable Online Counseling MantraCare can help: Book a trial therapy session
