Relationship anxiety is a common problem that many people face. It can be difficult to get out of the relationship, but not nearly as difficult as being in one where you are constantly anxious and stressed. In this blog post, we will cover what relationship anxiety is and how it affects your relationship, some ways to deal with it, and a list of steps for getting help if you think the relationship might be toxic or abusive.
- 1 What Is Relationship Anxiety?
- 2 Is It Normal To Feel Relationship Anxiety?
- 3 Signs of Relationship Anxiety
- 4 Causes of Relationship Anxiety
- 5 Can You Overcome Relationship Anxiety?
- 6 Conclusion
- 7 A Word From MantraCare
What Is Relationship Anxiety?
You’re in a good relationship with someone you like. You’ve put in the time and effort to build trust, establish boundaries, and figure out each other’s communication styles. At the same time, you may find yourself constantly doubting yourself, your partner, and the connection.
This person might be the right one for you. But how do you know? And what if they are hiding a dark secret? What if you are just not good at relationships and can’t maintain them?
Relationship anxiety is the term for this type of worry. It refers to the worries, insecurities, and doubts that can arise in a relationship even if everything is going well.
Is It Normal To Feel Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is very common. Some people feel it at the start of a relationship before they know that the person likes them back. Some people don’t want to have a relationship, but they feel it.
These feelings can also happen in committed, long-term relationships. Relationship anxiety can become a problem if it isn’t addressed:
- When people are sad, they can feel really bad.
- Lack of motivation
- It is hard to be energetic when you are tired or when you feel sad.
- You have stomach trouble and other physical problems.
It’s possible that your anxiety is not caused by anything in the relationship. However, it can eventually lead to actions that create problems and discomfort for you and your partner.
Signs of Relationship Anxiety
You might feel anxious when you think about your relationship. There are different types of anxiety that can happen. Most people feel bad when they are in a relationship. They might not be sure if the other person likes them, or if they’re being rejected. People might also have trouble talking to their partners about things that bother them. This is not unusual, so don’t worry about it. You should not feel concerned if you do not have a lot of doubts or fears that affect you a lot.
But some thoughts can grow and take over. Here are some signs of relationship anxiety:
Wondering If You Matter To Your Partner
The most common manifestation of relationship anxiety is about determining whether or not you matter or if you are valued. This points to a fundamental desire for connection, belonging, and security in a relationship.
For example, you might worry that:
- Your partner wouldn’t miss you if you weren’t around.
- The people might not help you if something serious happened.
- You may think that people like you, but they are only pretending to
Doubting Your Partner’s Feelings For You
You have been dating someone you really like! They always seem happy when they see you and do things that make you feel good, like giving you lunch or walking out of their way to meet with you.
You still do not think they love you.
Maybe they don’t respond to physical affection very much. Or they answer texts slowly, even after a day. When they seem distant, you might wonder if their feelings have changed. Everyone feels this way sometimes. But if you have relationship anxiety, these worries can become too much.
Worrying They Want To Break-Up
Good relationships can make you feel loved, secure, and happy. It is normal to want to hold on to these feelings and hope nothing goes wrong with the relationship. But sometimes these thoughts can become a fear of your partner leaving you.
Anxiety can be a problem. You might try to change how you act or behave because if you are anxious.
For example, “you might”
- When you are talking about problems in a relationship, it is best not to talk about the ones that are important to you.
- When your partner does things that bother you, don’t ignore them. It will just make it worse. Talk to them and ask them to stop.
- If you worry about your friends getting mad at you, even when they don’t seem angry right now, it can make things hard.
Doubting Long-Term Compatibility
Relationship anxiety can make you feel like even if things are going well in the relationship, maybe they’re not really compatible. You might think that you’re not really happy or that you don’t know what happiness is.
Their music is different from yours. You might start to concentrate on their differences more.
Sabotaging behaviors can have roots in relationship anxiety.
Signs of Sabotage
Things that can ruin a relationship include:
- Arguments are when two people try to be right. You should not do this with your partner because it can make them feel sad.
- It is hard to tell people that you are struggling and it can be better to say nothing is wrong.
- testing the boundaries of relationships, like taking lunch with an ex without telling your partner.
You may not think that you are trying to find how much your partner cares, but the goal is usually to find out. You might think that when someone resists you it means they love you. Your partner may not be able to tell that you are upset. They might not be able to see it on the inside of you, but they can see it when you get angry or cry.
Being overthinking your partner’s words and actions can also mean that you are anxious about your relationship. Maybe they do not like to hold hands. Or, when you move in together, they insist on keeping their old furniture. Sure, these could be signs of a potential issue. But it is more likely that they have sweaty hands or just really love that living room set.
Missing Out On Good Times
Do you have relationship anxiety? Think about how much time you spend worrying about this relationship. If you are spending more time worrying than enjoying it, then maybe you should break up. When you are feeling down, it might be because of this. But if you feel this way all the time, you are probably dealing with some anxiety about your relationship.
Causes of Relationship Anxiety
Identifying what is causing your anxiety might take some time. You might have a hard time finding the cause of your anxiety on your own, so ask for help. You may not know why you are anxious, but generally, there is a reason. Some reasons are because people want to feel connected with other people.
These are some things that may play a role in what happens:
Previous Relationship Experiences
Memories of things that happened in the past can still affect you, even if you mostly think about them. You might be more likely to have relationship anxiety if a past partner:
- He/She cheated on you.
- The person who you thought liked you, dumped you.
- Lied to you about their feelings for you
- You were tricked by someone about your relationship.
It’s not unusual to have trouble trusting someone again after you’ve been hurt. You might even have trouble trusting someone even if your current partner does not show any signs of being manipulative or dishonest.
Certain things might make you think about the past. You might not be aware of what they are. But, when you see these things, it can make you feel sad and insecure.
Low self-esteem can make a person insecure in a relationship. This is when the person feels that their partner doesn’t love them or when they don’t know what to do. Older research says that people with low self-esteem are more likely to doubt their partner’s feelings when they have self-doubt. This can happen as a way to protect themselves.
Some people with high self-esteem will say good things about themselves. They don’t need to be told they are great all the time.
An attachment style in childhood can have a big impact on your relationships as an adult. If your parent or caregiver responded quickly to your needs and offered love and support, you probably developed a secure attachment style. If they didn’t give you what you needed, or let you do things your own way, your attachment style might be less secure.
Insecure attachment styles can make you feel really bad and anxious in relationships.:
- An avoidant attachment could lead to anxiety about the level of commitment you’re making. People might be afraid of deepening intimacy.
- Anxious attachment can sometimes result in fear that your partner will leave you without warning.
Insecure attachment styles do not mean you will always have anxiety in relationships. As you cannot change your personality, you cannot change your attachment style. But if you make enough changes, this style will not hold you back.
Tendency To Question
Sometimes, people might get scared when they are in relationships. This may happen if the person has a questioning nature. They might need to ask themselves about all possible outcomes before deciding on a path. Or they might just have the habit of carefully considering every decision before making it.
If you think about your decisions a lot, even after you have made them, and if this has been happening for a long time, then it probably means that you will spend some time thinking about how your relationship is going. This is not always bad. It’s good to take some time and think about the choices we make. When you ask yourself questions and are not sure, it can be a problem.
Can You Overcome Relationship Anxiety?
It might not feel like it now, but relationship anxiety can be overcome. You have to work at it. It takes time and effort. And you should not just be told that your relationship is fine even if it seems that way now.
Sometimes, people become anxious even if nothing is wrong. It could be because they are not sure that the relationship is okay. They may feel safe or secure. Until then, they will likely continue to be anxious.
One way to address relationship anxiety is to talk about it early on before it becomes a problem. The tips below can help you get started:
Maintain Your Identity
As you and your partner become closer, you might find parts of yourself changing to make room for your partner and the relationship.
When you become a couple, many things change. Some of these changes are not big and don’t affect your sense of self, but some do. If you change who you are in the relationship to make your partner happy, this will not make either of you happy.
Try Being More Mindful
Mindfulness practices involve focusing on what is happening right now. You do not judge the thoughts that come up. When you think of something bad, you let it go and focus on your mindfulness practice again.
This can be particularly beneficial when you’re caught in a negative thought cycle. It may also assist you in determining which of your daily encounters with your partner are most important. After all, maybe the relationship will come to an end in a few months or years; nevertheless, you may treasure and appreciate it now.
Practice Good Communication
Anxiety in a relationship is often caused from the inside, so it may not be about your partner. However, if something specific is fuelling your anxiety — for example, playing with their phone while you speak or refusing to visit your relatives over the holidays — try speaking about it in a non-accusatory and relevant manner.
Using “I” statements might be quite beneficial during these discussions. Instead of saying, for example, “You’re being so remote lately and I can’t handle it,” try rephrasing it as, “I feel like there’s been some distance between us lately, and it makes me feel as though you’re withdrawing because your feelings have changed.”
Even if you’re sure your partner truly loves you and that your worry is caused by something within, it might be beneficial to include them. You may share how you’re feeling and what you’re attempting to do about it. Their assurance probably won’t totally remove your worry, but it will certainly not make it worse. Furthermore, being open and vulnerable may even allow you to forge a more intimate relationship with your partner.
Avoid Acting On Your Feelings
Sometimes people worry about their relationship or their partner. They want to know if everything is okay. It is natural to want to reassure yourself, but you should not try to find out this proof in unhelpful or harmful ways.
You need to pay attention to the difference between your usual behaviors and impulsive actions. Texting regularly might be normal in your relationship. You can text all you want to get a feeling of connection with someone you love. But if you send texts that ask where they are when they are at their friend’s house, then that can lead to relationship anxiety and stress.
When you feel these impulses, try to distract yourself. You can do deep breathing, go for a walk or jog, or call a friend.
Talk To Therapist
You might feel better if you talk to a therapist. Therapists can be helpful when you are feeling anxious in a relationship. They can teach you how to deal with the effects of your anxiety and help you find clarity in your feelings.
If you are feeling anxious about your relationship, it is best to see a therapist who helps couples.
They can help you, but they can also hurt you:
- Understanding your own and each other’s feelings and needs is important.
- You can hear about each other’s experiences without judging. There is no need to defend yourself.
- You can show that you care for someone by finding ways to make them feel better. Maybe they are scared or worried. You can calm their anxiety by doing things like playing with them, hugging them, or telling stories.
Do not have to do this for a long time. Can do it for one session, too. It will help couples who are anxious about their relationship.
Relationships are not certain. People sometimes worry about their relationship and that can be difficult. But there is one thing you can do: you need to stop worrying and spend more time enjoying yourself with your partner!
If you think your relationship might be toxic or abusive, don’t hesitate to get help. You deserve a healthy and happy relationship that makes you feel loved and cared for every day. We’re here to listen, provide resources, and give guidance on how to get out of an unhealthy situation if it’s what is best for you. No matter the circumstances, we want everyone in our community to know there are people who care about them and will do whatever they can to support their growth as individuals while also encouraging them towards self-love and happiness.”
A Word From MantraCare
Your mental health — your psychological, emotional, and social well-being — has an impact on every aspect of your life. Positive mental health essentially allows you to effectively deal with life’s everyday challenges.
At Mantra Care, we have a team of therapists who provide affordable online therapy to assist you with issues such as depression, anxiety, stress, relationship, OCD, LGBTQ, and PTSD. You can take our mental health test. You can also book a free therapy or download our free Android or iOS app.