You may not know this, but your mother could be a covert narcissist. Narcissists are people who get their self-esteem from the praise and admiration of others. They feel entitled to special treatment in all aspects of life. They lack empathy for other people’s feelings, and they need constant attention in order to validate themselves. It can be either overt or covert narcissists depending on how they display their narcissistic tendencies. Overt narcissists will show signs of being selfish and egotistical. This is when it comes to getting what they want from other people. While covert narcissists tend to hide their true selves behind a mask of niceness. This is in order to manipulate those around them into giving them what they want. It is without having to do anything for it themselves.
- 1 What Is Covert Narcissist?
- 2 When Your Mother Is Covert Narcissist?
- 3 Types of Covert Narcissist Mother
- 4 Signs of Covert Narcissist Mother
- 5 Reasons For Being Covert Narcissistic Mother
- 6 Negative Impacts of Covert Narcissist Mother
- 7 How To Deal With Covert Narcissist Mother?
- 8 Conclusion
- 9 A Word From Mantra Care
What Is Covert Narcissist?
Covert Narcissist is a particular variety of Narcissist that is more difficult to detect and study than the more common varieties. In fact, many researchers have a hard time classifying the Covert Narcissist. This is all due to their ability to mimic normal human emotions. It in a way that confuses a lot of people.
Narcissists in general are very good at putting on an act. This is in order to get what they want from other people. This type of behavior often leaves friends, colleagues, and loved ones wondering if there really was any kind of “true” personality underneath it all. Some with this condition only come out when they think they can gain something by doing so. While others crave attention almost constantly, but with no real purpose or goal behind it.
When Your Mother Is Covert Narcissist?
When your mother is a Covert Narcissist, then it is even harder to know what is going on in her mind or how she truly feels. There are some major signs that people can watch for. They require an observant eye and a bit of additional knowledge besides. One of the best ways to do this is with the help of video footage that you are playing for several years. Since narcissists try their hardest to hide who they really are. This will be one of the few times where you get to see how somebody tries very hard not to show what kind of person they truly are.
This can be an important thing to do if you are grappling with the idea that your mother is a Covert Narcissist. It can be shocking to see how somebody who has been very different their entire life is suddenly acting like somebody else entirely for hours, days, and even months at a time. The stress this causes can have a serious impact on your mental well-being. So it’s really important to know what you’re getting yourself into before going any further.
Types of Covert Narcissist Mother
There are mainly two different types of Covert Narcissist parents. These two types are the Overt Narcissist and Covert-Aggressive Narcissist with subtypes of each. The former is most likely to run into trouble with the law, which can make it difficult for their children to deal with them at all. It’s unfortunate that a lot of people have to choose between being humiliated by their parents or having a healthy relationship with a person who can meet their needs as a son or daughter should be able to do.
The first type is Overt Narcissist. These parents usually have no problem letting people know exactly what they want from other people and this often involves getting as much attention as possible, no matter if it is positive or negative in nature. Their main goal is usually trying to get somebody else to carry their burdens so they can live a life of luxury and ease.
The second type of Covert Narcissistic personality disorder. This involves an individual that is more likely to show aggression than the first type, making them easier to recognize at times, but harder in terms of identifying how they truly feel about you or others. They often want other people to do what they ask when they demand it without question or protestation. These parents will punish anybody who doesn’t follow their wishes in a way that makes them seem normal while also putting down someone verbally behind closed doors when nobody else is around.
Signs of Covert Narcissist Mother
There are many signs of a Covert Narcissistic mother and some people will only show a few after some time passes, such as displaying aggressive behavior on many occasions. Others will need years to do the same thing and this makes it hard for anybody that doesn’t know them really well to see what is happening.
This first sign may seem oddly reversed but sometimes there’s just no way around it without getting together with other family members first and understanding what has been going on from their point of view since they have been dealing with the individual in question longer–in most cases, your mother.
This is one of the best signs to look out for but only if you’re willing to be upfront with somebody about what is happening. Many people can tell that their mother has no empathy for them at all and they just assume that this is normal, especially after they go through a serious trauma in their lives caused by her doing something terrible–like trying to keep them from finding out who they are.
Manipulation is one of the hardest things to stop once your parent starts doing it because many children don’t want anything bad to happen to the family unit as a whole, even if it means they have to suffer. It’s common for these individuals to ask leading questions instead of getting straight answers whenever possible until the other person does exactly what they want, without protest or question.
Your narcissistic mother may not be obvious about this one but if you’re willing to talk about it with somebody else that knows her–and you have good memories of the way she’s treated you in the past–you may discover that she keeps fueling your inner fires by trying to get between you and everybody else that is important to your life. This means that bringing up issues from days gone by is common for these individuals so they can try convincing others to hate you more than ever before. They don’t need a reason or an excuse, either, so even if you don’t know why something happened there’s no telling when she’ll bring it up again just because she wants to hurt you.
Being “Called Out”
Many narcissistic mothers will call their children out on whatever they choose to do that makes them angry, even if you’re just asking a simple question or trying to get some information about something that she’s interested in. She probably won’t say anything overtly aggressive but the comments she makes are not meant to be helpful at all and this is actually one way of demonstrating how much she cares about what you think.
Reasons For Being Covert Narcissistic Mother
There can be many reasons why a mother turns out to be covertly narcissistic but it can be tough to figure them all out without talking with somebody that is very close to the individual in question. The facts may not even come out until years later if they do at all and this often makes it hard for people to understand what has been going on behind closed doors.
Bully From Childhood
Many children learn early on that they cannot fight back against a bully and they will make up stories about why they can’t go somewhere or see someone specific because of this fear–and their inability to tell somebody what is really going on with their mothers. As time passes most of these individuals discover that something isn’t right but many still blame themselves for whatever happens to them in their childhoods.
Your mother may have only ever had one child, either by choice or not, but if she’s narcissistic then it becomes difficult to keep track of who is toxic to your life anymore. Your mother could be the cause of all the issues you’re having with her but her lack of empathy can make it hard for people to see what’s happening behind closed doors–especially when they’ve never dealt with this type of behavior before.
Consequences Of Narcissism In The Family Unit
Children that don’t grow up around other individuals that are openly narcissistic often blame themselves for everything that has happened in their lives and do whatever they can to fix even the slightest issue. Narcissists don’t think about consequences and this can make it difficult for their children to learn from mistakes or even see past the obvious when something happens–but they may be more inclined to believe whatever they’re told by a narcissistic family member.
Many mothers that are covertly narcissistic have been that way since they were little girls, living with a mother that is overtly narcissistic, and there’s no telling what kind of pain she went through before she had a child of her own. Many of these individuals live for drama because it makes them feel alive again but leaving the past in the past has never worked out well for anybody in the end–especially your parent doesn’t want to be left in the past.
Negative Impacts of Covert Narcissist Mother
There can be negative impacts on family members that are supposed to be protected by the people that are closest to them in life, which can make it tough for anybody–especially an adult–to know what is really going on with somebody else. Some of these negative effects are:
Feeling of Suffocation
If you have a mother that is covertly narcissistic then it may feel like she’s trying to suffocate you when she’s in your life, trying to make decisions for you, and criticizing how you talk, look, and behave all at the same time. You may feel guilty leaving her alone because she doesn’t have anybody else but this doesn’t mean that it isn’t the best thing for both of you–and any children there are involved with her as well.
Boundaries are made to be broken down but some mothers that are covert narcissists will try to break them down all at once just for the sake of breaking them down even if they don’t understand why somebody would boundaries in their lives. As time passes these mothers may become pushier and often push too far while demanding to be in somebody’s life–no matter what.
Moms that are covertly narcissistic will have unfair expectations of their children. Oftentimes put them into situations they could avoid for many different reasons. But it can be challenging that no one catches in this behavior when there is nobody around to protect them from your own parent. You should never try to live up to an expectation that isn’t realistic or ask somebody else to help you because the outcome won’t ever be good for anybody no matter how hard you try.
Narcissistic individuals tend to take things very personally. This is even if they’re not supposed to and this can lead them to become hypersensitive. This is even when it’s not necessary. This behavior is damaging for their children and they may also feel like they’re under attack. This is whenever somebody questions them, points out their flaws, or tries to hold them accountable for their actions.
If you have a mother that is covertly narcissistic then chances are high that she will break promises without batting an eye. This is because it’s all about her no matter what. She doesn’t believe in accountability either. Breaking promises is just another sign of being selfish. If somebody gives your mom the benefit of the doubt then chances are she’ll do it again. That is why there’s no turning back.
How To Deal With Covert Narcissist Mother?
There can be many challenges when it comes to dealing with a mother that is covertly narcissistic. But if you want to protect yourself and the children in your life then it’s best to put them first no matter what. There can be many ways that you can deal with it such as:
Determine Her Intentions
This is one of the ways to deal with a covert narcissist mother. While you don’t have to be friends with your mother, you do need to understand what kind of person she is. This is before harming her. Every individual has good and bad traits. If she’s covertly narcissistic then there can be harm coming to everybody that gets too close. This is because it can feel like war just being in her presence. This isn’t fair to anybody.
Keep Your Distance
The more time you spend with somebody, the more likely they are to get under your skin. So it’s best for everybody to avoid attachment. If your mom is covertly narcissistic then it may be beneficial for the entire family if she has less access or communication with them. It is because this way nobody will get hurt. This is when she tries to take advantage of you or do harm.
Alter Your Perception
If you believe that a covert narcissist is truly a good person then it can be hard for anybody to argue against those points. This doesn’t mean that they actually are good people–or the best parents. When somebody only shows one side of themselves it’s hard for others to see any other trait. There’s a high chance that they may lie, make excuses, or blame somebody else. This is when things don’t go their way.
Maintain Personal Boundaries
If someone crosses your personal boundaries, it can be challenging for anyone. Oftentimes result in the victim is angry at the perpetrator time after time again. If your mother is covertly narcissistic then she will act like she is doing everything for everybody else. She wants the best, so she makes it happen. However, this can be very damaging. This is because no matter what you do it won’t ever be good enough to meet her expectations. This also includes your spouse or other children.
See The Signs
Oftentimes, people who are narcissistic don’t believe there’s anything wrong with them. They show their true colors all of the time. A covert narcissist may act like they’re perfect in every way. If you look closely, there can be signs that point out otherwise such as: always wanting something to go her way; always taking advantage of somebody; thinking about herself (even when somebody else gets hurt not accepting responsibility for mistakes; always needing somebody to feel superior to; every time trying to be in control.
Try To Work Together
Living with somebody who is covertly narcissistic can be very challenging. Oftentimes, the only way to be truly happy is by figuring out how to work together. It may require some patience and a lot of understanding. If everybody understands that there’s another side to this person then it’ll put everybody at ease–especially you.
Give Them Chance
If your mother is trying as hard as she can to prove that she doesn’t have any vices whatsoever then chances are high that she will do whatever it takes. This is just so nobody questions her trustworthiness once again. If your mom is covertly narcissistic then it’s best not to give up too quickly. It is because somebody might be missing out on something important. If you need help then it’s best to seek support. Having somebody there by your side can be the only way to make sure you and everybody else are safe and happy no matter what.
In conclusion, once you know how to see your mother’s true colors then everybody has a chance of being happy. If your mom is covertly narcissistic then it’s best to keep your distance, alter your perception, maintain personal boundaries. Tou can try to see the signs so that no one gets hurt in the process. As long as everybody makes an effort–then this can be very beneficial for everybody who is involving. This is because nobody needs extra stress in their lives. It is when there are plenty of other ways to live happily ever after!
A Word From Mantra Care
Your mental health — your psychological, emotional, and social well-being — has an impact on every aspect of your life. Positive mental health essentially allows you to effectively deal with life’s everyday challenges.
At Mantra Care, we have a team of therapists who provide affordable online therapy to assist you with issues such as depression, anxiety, stress, relationship, OCD, LGBTQ, and PTSD. You can take our mental health test. You can also book a free therapy or download our free Android or iOS app.