Secure Attachment and Bonding: Importance and How to Build Connection

Secure Attachment and Bonding

Secure attachment and bonding is the process of creating a strong emotional connection between two people. Secure attachment results in increased happiness, success, and even longevity, In this blog post, we will discuss how to create secure attachments and bonding with others so you can increase your personal connections as well as enjoy life more fully.

What Is An Attachment Bond?

 how to build attachment with your child

  • Attachment refers to an enduring emotional bond between two or more individuals. It’s often described as “an unbreakable connection” because it forms so early on in our lives, usually, while we’re still infants (under 12 months old). This means that if you experience secure attachment during then this will impact how you feel and behave as you grow older.
  • Attachment is an emotional connection with another person, formed at the very beginning of life. The bonds are strong and secure when babies feel safe in their relationships with parents or caregivers.
  • It is the process of establishing a strong emotional bond with another person. Bonds are formed between parents and infants, caregivers and children, or even couples in romantic relationships.
  • Even though attachment begins at birth, it continues throughout life as we form new attachments with people on an ongoing basis. Securely attached people have healthy self-esteem. Insecurely attached adults tend to have low levels of self-confidence due to unhealthy relationships that they developed as a child.

Why Attachment Bond Is Important?

 how to build attachment with your child

    • Secure attachment bonding makes infants more stable adults. They will have self-esteem, empathy for others, good relationships with family members and friends, contentment with themselves.
    • As a child, secure attachment gives you the feeling of safety and security that everything will be okay no matter what happens. That your parents are there for you when needed to protect you from dangers or comfort after struggles.
    • Without this sense of trust, life can seem scary which may result in symptoms such as anxiety disorders later on during adulthood. A lack of connection with others can make you feel alone. You don’t have someone who knows how you feel, but they will help you through hard times.
    • We need to secure a child’s attachment or they will lack emotional security for life. This can lead to difficulties with stress management, mood regulation, and social relationships throughout their lives.
    • It can even affect physical health, studies show that securely attached children cope better under pressure than insecurely attached ones which may be due to differences in how the body responds to cortisol (the stress hormone).
    • Other research suggests that insecure types are more likely to experience chronic pain conditions like back problems because of elevated levels of systemic inflammation.

What Is Secure Attachment?

  • Secure Attachment is the ability to feel safe, loved, and cared for. Attachment is a relationship with someone that makes you happy. It does not matter if you are a baby or an adult. A child will develop healthy attachments to his/her caregiver when the caregiver shows love and support in times of need.
  • As we develop into adults, our sense of self becomes more stable and rooted in reality by having other people there for us throughout our lives. We can become too dependent on others though if we’re not careful.
  • Secure Attachment is an important part of social development. Children who are securely attached tend to be more emotionally intelligent and have better relationships with their parents.
  • They also see themselves as capable, competent individuals with good coping strategies for life’s challenges. Securely attached children are able to form close friendships throughout their lives due to these traits established in infancy.

What Is Insecure Attachment?

 how to build attachment with your child

Insecure attachment can be defined as a lack of trust and comfort in the relationship. When we feel like our partner isn’t there for us or may even reject us, it causes insecurity that damages how we view ourselves and others.

An infant learns that a caregiver is not dependable or reliable. This child may become preoccupied with being abandoned, betrayed, and rejected by significant people in their lives as they grow older. Parents who do not have empathy for the feelings of their children are often insecure attachment figures.

There are three types of insecure attachment: anxious-preoccupied, fearful-avoidant, dismissive-avoidant; each with its own distinct characteristics and communication styles.

What Is Secure Attachment Bonding?

 how to build attachment with your child

  • A secure attachment is when children feel safe, calm, accepted, known, and cared for by parents or other primary caregivers (such as grandparents). When kids know they’re loved even during the hard times – like when they make mistakes or act out.
  • It gives them a foundation to learn how to regulate themselves emotionally and behave in more adaptive ways over time. This means that while there will always be missteps along the way (for both parent and child), having repeated experiences with responsive parenting helps build resilience in families who face significant stressors such as divorce, illness, addiction issues, etc.
  • Children who have secure attachments are able to learn, grow and thrive. They feel safe because they know their parents will be there for them when things get hard or scary instead of leaving them all alone in the world.
  • Securely attached children tend to do better academically, socially, behaviorally. Loving relationships with caring adults help us face challenges head-on while also helping us regulate our emotions so that we don’t lash out at others or lose control when something goes wrong (or right!)
  • Predictable parenting helps make this possible by giving your child a sense of security which allows him/her to move forward without fear or anxiety about what’s next. This leads to more successful outcomes for the board.

What is the difference between Bonding and Secure Attachment?

The main difference between Bonding and Secure Attachment: Connection.

  • Bonding refers to an emotional connection, based on shared emotions such as love, affection, or trust. It does not require a mental representation of oneself in relation to another person. Instead, bonding describes our ability to connect with other people on an emotional level.
  • Secure attachment is different from bonding. Secure attachment means that someone has a mental representation of themselves in relation to another person. For bonding, all you need is an emotional connection.
  • People share their emotions with other people. But while they share it, they also learn about themselves and how they are similar to other people. They also learn what makes them different from others.
  • This Mental Representation helps us understand what we like and do not like. When we need help, we can tell the person who is helping us. We will feel more comfortable with them next time because we know that they know what we want and do not want.

How To Create Secure Attachment And Bonding?

Secure attachment is the ability to develop a close, loving relationship with another person. Most parents want their children to have a good place to play. But they need help from a therapist so their child can feel safe and secure when they are with others. The following tips may be helpful:

Physical closeness

  • Holding them on your lap or someone else’s. Hugging them often, but not too much so they are uncomfortable. Patting their back to show affection.
  • When someone is hurt, show that you care by kissing where they are hurt. If they like something, even if you don’t understand why to be interested in it from their point of view.
  • Accept your child as they are. They might be mad, or sad, or frustrated. You should never make them feel “less than” because of their feelings.

Good Mentality

  • Many parents think that kids with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) or other disruptive behavior disorders are “defiant” and not listening to them.
  • Some children with these diagnoses do not want to disappoint their caregivers. They are trying hard, but they just can’t figure out what is people are expecting from them.
  • When you give directions to your child, be careful not to get angry. When they do not listen the first time, say “I’m asking you again.” Don’t repeat yourself angrily.

Predictable Schedules/Routines

  • A baby likes routines. They like to be held and rocked while you sing lullabies. The baby will stop fussing, and fall asleep gently without crying if they do not cry.
  • Routines help them feel safe and secure because they know what to expect. This helps the child develop a sense of predictability which makes future changes less stressful for them as well since their brain is more capable of adapting at this age than before.
  • Parents should not break routines. It’s important. If there is an emergency, then you can break the routine, but otherwise, it’s best to keep them the same so that children know what to expect.
  • Breaking routines can make things harder. If you break a routine, your child may resist doing anything afterward until everything is back to normal. Be consistent whenever possible instead.

Consistent Parenting

  • Consistent parenting means that parents do not change their minds when their children are mad.
  • It also means that there should not be any surprises about what is parents are expecting from their children. For example, if you change the rules without talking to them first, they might get angry and not want to obey anymore.
  • If parents are consistent in the way they act and what they say, their children will feel more secure. Children know that adults always mean what they say.

Predictable Parenting

  • Parents who are predictable set clear rules, expectations, and boundaries around behavior early on. They also have a specific plan for how children will be disciplined when those rules are broken (and stick to it).
  • This predictability helps kids know that there’s no guesswork involved: if you do this then that will happen every time. When parents lack clarity or follow-through with consequences, children often become anxious about doing anything at all.
  • Kids need external controls in order to learn self-control; we can not expect them to make good decisions based solely upon internal motivation and desire without ever experiencing the negative consequences of their actions.

Physical Presence

  • The most common way that infants become secure is through experiencing the physical presence of the primary caregiver at least eight hours per day until they reach about six months old when separation anxiety becomes stronger than fear of strangers.
  • Therefore it is shown that mothers breast-feed will produce higher levels of oxytocin which is a hormone that allows for the connection between mother and child. If you want your baby to have a secure attachment, do not bottle feed as much as possible

How to Create Secure Attachment Through Non-Verbal Communication?

 how to build attachment with your child

Secure attachment is the ability to bond with other people. It’s about fostering trust and intimacy in relationships. While every relationship starts out as secure, it can become insecure over time if there are problems or struggles within your connection.

This leads to fears of abandonment and insecurity issues that can create a cycle of dysfunctional behavior. If you want healthy love for yourself and your partner, then you’ll need to know how to build this kind of powerful tie that will last forever.

  • Eye contact – Maintaining eye contact shows much interest in the person you are speaking with. This is a sign of being present and attentive, which shows how much they care about what you have to say.
  • Smiling – Another nonverbal way that people show interest is through smiling. If your partner looks at you when talking but doesn’t smile back then it may indicate disinterest or even hostility towards whatever subject matter the conversation revolves around.
  • Touching – A strong and secure bond between partners is one that feels safe to be vulnerable with each other. This means physically showing affection through touch. It can range from holding hands, hugging, kissing.
  • Interest & Intensity – When it comes down to nonverbal communication, there are two factors that must play into your actions: interest level and intensity of your signals.

What Are The Problems Faced In Secure Attachment Bond?

Although there are several problems in secure attachment bonds, the most common ones include:

Lack Of Trust And Understanding

  • Lack of trust and understanding is a problem in creating a secure attachment. An infant has to feel like they can rely on their caregiver for safety, protection, and comfort.
  • Lack of trust comes from the child not feeling that there is someone who can be counted on; children with insecure attachments often don’t have very good impulse control or are easily overwhelmed by emotional outbursts.
  • If you do not understand your child then it will hinder them from being able to express themselves effectively which could lead to behavior problems as well as signs of insecurity within yourself.

Issues With Communication

  • A lack of communication can lead to insecure attachment which leads to problems with social interactions later in life. Problems with communication lead to a lack of connection.
  • Connection is a vital part of creating a secure attachment and bonding, especially at an early age. The insecure attachment also causes depression, aggression, delinquency among other negative outcomes.

Trying To Do Too Much On Your Own

  • When you are trying to do everything yourself, it is a lot harder for your child to feel safe and secure. This can create an insecure attachment bond between the parent and child in which they don’t have a deep emotional rapport with each other.
  • If you always rely on other people and do things by yourself, your children can’t attach securely to you. They won’t be able to trust you because the person they depend on the most isn’t reliable.

There are also maybe some physical signs that you’re having a difficult time building a connection such as depression or anxiety, stress at work/home, trouble sleeping, headaches, or stomach aches.


Building a connection with your partner is difficult but possible. It requires that you be willing to put in the work and sincerity while still staying true to yourself. As time goes on, it will get easier if both partners keep making an effort for their relationship. If this sounds like a lot of pressure or commitment, don’t worry! You can always seek professional help from licensed therapists who specialize in attachment-based therapy techniques.

For more information, please contact MantraCare. Parenting is a challenging yet rewarding experience that is crucial for the development and well-being of a child. If you have any queries regarding Online Parenting Counseling experienced therapists at MantraCare can help: Book a trial therapy session

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